"This is where a mother wants to be"

My Music: Corinne Bailey Rae

This past Sunday had a rough patch for me, physically. I had family over for a combined Mother’s Day/upcoming birthday party for me and my sisters. Let’s start with the great part-the fact that everyone came over to my place! This is wonderful for me not only because I now have a lovely space of my own to show off but it pretty much guarantees my attendance at family functions. Before Apartment Awesome my presence at parties or gatherings was spotty at best (and still is) but the apartment has taken away the stress of wanting to be out amongst the world but often having no choice in the matter. Now oftentimes, the world can come to me and it’s been beyond fantastic thus far.

And yet there are days, like this past Sunday, when everything should go right-after all, I was in my comfort zone and blissfully absent were the usual stressors of bathroom issues, the fear of an unknown location, and exhaustion from driving (assuming I was able to get dressed and get to the car.) But I’m afraid MS doesn’t really care about these things sometimes. Actually, MS doesn’t care about anything, but I digress... It was a fairly warm day and I neglected to turn the air conditioning on because, well-I guess I was too excited for company that my body steadily overheated to the point of uselessness. I was essentially stuck in my bedroom on a chair and completely devoid of any strength or power. Getting up and around is never easy, mind you, but usually I get where I need to go-it just may take a few attempts. But this was different. I felt like someone had attacked me with a lifeforce vacuum and left a limp version of me behind. So I sat there for an hour and a half, making sporadic (useless) attempts to push myself up with my arms. My family began dinner without me-at my insistence-and my sister and mother took turns staying with me, ready to help me up once my strength returned. Eventually I requested to just be alone and distracted myself playing games on my phone. I KNEW that this couldn’t last forever-I’ve been similarly sapped of energy before and eventually it passes. But I cried-upset that this stupid disease was robbing me of time with my family again. At one point I said to my mother, “Some Mother’s Day for you-stuck in here with me crying.” Her response? “This is where a mother wants to be.” Amazing.

Well I eventually worked up the strength to get up and was able to eat with my family a bit. I watched my niece dance around and my nephew copied her every move. This day was proof that I’m (slowly) getting better at handling my worst situations and the hopelessness that accompanies them. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to just brush off these humiliating experiences. But I am shortening the time spent between misery and recovery.