Moving Day

This week’s blog writing music: Whatever by Aimee Mann

I feel compelled to start each blog with that from now on, because music really does inspire me and quite often the album I select has a significance to how I’m feeling at any particular time.

The reality of Apartment Awesome hits me a little more each week. I love not running into every single doorframe I encounter! I’m also a big fan of this ‘dishwasher’ thing-never had one before. The finer points of my apartment are like the icing on an already miraculous cake! I’ve been afforded a safe and accessible place to live, that’s miracle one. The fact that said place is lovely and yes, awesome, still seems unreal to me. I hope I never get used to it!

Flash back to January 2nd. New year, new location! It’s moving day and I am so nervous. Not so much about the change of location but the actual move. I was blessed with the assistance of a great moving company thanks to Bergen County United Way (Thank you!!) and the truck arrived bright and early at nine am. Ok, right there I was already at a disadvantage because I SO don’t do well in the morning. But this was an important day so I did my best to rally. Adding to the confusion was the fact that a medical supply company was coming to pick up my hospital bed and then deliver a different one to the new place. In the grand tradition of delivery personnel, no times had been given for either transaction. Thankfully my old bed was picked up right away and the new bed came to the new place just as I did so that was good luck. I realize moving day is very tiring for everyone but by the end of the day I felt almost delirious from exhaustion. But there I was and there was no turning back because my bed was now here. My mother was getting ready to leave and I was struck by the enormity of the moment. Closing the door behind her was freakishly symbolic of closing the door on my past. Fourteen years with MS, the past six spent in the ill-fitted but familiar walls of my childhood home. Come to think of it, I don’t think there’s ever been a more significant moment in my life since my day of diagnosis. Well there’s been moments that certainly stand out, but none of them are positive.

Next came all the fun and sometimes annoying tasks of address change, setting up utilities, and everyone’s favorite-ordering cable. I won’t say these tasks were easy, they were often nearly impossible because my new address was truly NEW-as in, never before existed. But underscoring each task was the increasing reality of independence. That electric bill that I never had to worry about before? Well, bring on the hardships of more careful financial planning, because it was MINE! When your life has progressed to the point of being dependent on so many for so much it is with absolute Pride to see that electric bill in your name. It was proof positive that the powers-that-be had faith in me, that I was more than just a hanger-on to someone else’s life. This apartment may not technically belong to me, but after many years of feeling like a burden, this place is MINE!

Apartment Awesome

Wow, this weekly opportunity to spread the Apartment Awesome story has been well, awesome!  I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that part yet-that my new and fabulous residence has been dubbed Apartment Awesome.  Hopefully the weeks to come will afford me many chances to explain why...

      It’s a muggy August afternoon in Budd Lake and I’m in a state of shock.  I’ve just been told that my seemingly endless search for handicap-accessible housing has come to a marvelous end! In a few months time I would be moving to Allendale, in Bergen County.  I hadn’t heard of the town but then again, it's super small.  The extent of my Bergen County knowledge was limited to a few visits to Mahwah to visit a friend from Rutgers and a few horrifying experiences with the perpetually angry parking lot otherwise known as Route 17.  So I knew I was headed into mostly uncharted waters.  Ask anyone who’s ever known me-I am a big wuss when it comes to trying new things and this was a VERY new thing. But I was on a “come on, Liana, change your life-what have you got to lose” roll so I tried not to freak out.  The biggest flaw in my moving plan was knowing I wouldn’t be able to bring my two cats to the new apartment.  I cried all the time knowing I would have to leave my furry pals.  They're really great constants in a life that’s otherwise prone to fluctuation.  However, I knew my need for reliable housing would have to trump my feline devotion. 

      Information began trickling in.  Each passing week brought me closer to the reality of true independence.  I had only seen pictures of the complex on the Bergen County United Way website. ( www.bergenunitedway.org ) I maintained an increasingly towering pile of paperwork, all the while doing my best to maintain some semblance of order.  Eventually I bought several folders (different colors of course) and wrote the contents of each folder on the front.  Not the most sophisticated system but it worked for me.  My sister helped me gut my closet-arguably the best part of moving, forcing yourself to keep only that which REALLY matters! 

     In late September I was feeling particularly anxious about forfeiting my familiar but stagnant life for a better yet unfamiliar one so I decided to take a drive to see what Allendale was really like.  How thrilled I was to arrive in a beautiful town that seemed very much like Budd Lake, but urban-adjacent.  I drove alongside a beautiful brook and past Crestwood Lake which looked both peaceful and fun.  Then I saw the construction fencing bordering what was soon to officially be Crescent Commons.  The architecture was beyond beautiful.  I could not believe what I was seeing, it was so much more wonderful than I’d been hoping for! I couldn’t get past the fence so I parked in the driveway and just stared.  You know when something goes so right in your life, so meant to be, that it’s like the sun is shining on only you?  That’s what overcame me right at that moment.  Infatuation-not for a person, but for a possibility.  Like falling in love with your future.

A home of my own that fits my world in a wheel chair

Moving is never easy. There are countless things to keep track of- packing all your worldly possessions in a reasonably organized and sane manner, updating your address, and above all else-making peace with change. But first, you need a place to move TO. Finding your new ideal home is difficult for anybody, certainly. Now imagine factoring in seemingly trivial things like door width, curb heights, even the placement of a peephole-and you're beginning to see the world from a wheelchair.

Not surprisingly there's not a huge inventory of handicap-accessible apartments in New Jersey. When you're stuck in a wheelchair like I am, the fun aspects of moving like square footage and pretty cabinets go out the window. I was looking for a place where I could shower somewhere other than from a sink and more than anything, somewhere I would not be constantly banging my kneecaps into everything. So I started doing some research. The shortage of handicap accessible housing is scary. No, 'scary' doesn't do it justice. A more appropriate description would be terrifying. Of the limited options available, a great deal were located in urban settings such as Camden, Newark, or Atlantic City- all unfamiliar to a small town gal such as myself. But I know beggars can't be choosers, so I kept at it. The few (and I mean FEW) options available also weren't exactly 'available' because they almost always carried with them a waiting list. I filled out countless applications and placed many phone calls. I figured the sooner I got on a waiting list, the sooner something would become available... That is correct in theory, certainly, but many of the waiting lists were YEARS long. Sure I didn't want to wait that long, but I also was running out of time. My mother is wonderful but she is also not a spring chicken. Our house wasn't in the best of shape and I could no longer just eek by. I needed to move before I HAD to.

About two years pass during which my physical disability was rapidly increasing and my options were no better. Panic attacks were frequent. I read an email from the MS Society about a housing project that was still being constructed in Allendale. There would be four apartments for qualified applicants living with MS. The application itself was extensive, forms from my doctor would be needed in addition to an extensive financial assessment. I remember the application was due by 4:45pm on a Friday afternoon, at the Bergen County United Way offices in Paramus. As a lifelong procrastinator I waited until the last possible moment to submit everything. In fact, it was my mom who drove to Paramus to drop it off, I was just too exhausted. A month or two went by and then I heard back that I had been selected for an interview, not unlike an actor getting a callback. I took my sister along for moral support. The interview went so well I could hardly believe it. On the way home my sister commented that she hadn't seen me so confident in a long time. I hadn't FELT so confident in what seemed like forever, years easily. I felt really good about my chances and felt a familiar spark of positivity. It was the most "ME" I had been in a decade. Still, I tempered my excitement with the reality that I was hoping for one of only four openings. Six weeks go by and it's the end of the summer, decision time. I called United Way to update my phone number and also fish for an update. Their housing services coordinator greeted me with the fantastic news that I could expect great news in the mail. I was out in the driveway with my sister and nephew, I rolled over to where they were sitting. "I got the apartment!" I declared. My sister and I were both crying like fools. My nephew was just perplexed, I think! This was officially the start of something great.